[MUSIC PLAYING]
So this is a really exciting thing for me to do.
I've never done this before, but I'm
going to bring you in to show you
how to negotiate in real time with Pam joining me
as my counterpart.
Pam is a very talented actor who's
going to join me in the mock negotiations and scenarios.
So in a minute, I'm going to get you to talk about something
you're passionate about.
And it doesn't matter what you're passionate about.
It could be New Jersey.
It could be cooking.
It could be travel.
It could be selling mortgages, but something
that resonates with you.
OK.
Now, when we get started, all I'm going to do
is the two skills I'm just going to use.
First it's just going to be a label, which
is it sounds like, it seems like, or you sound or you seem.
It's just a verbal observation.
And the other's going to be a mirror.
Mirror's kind of a crazy technique.
I'm going to repeat the last three
words of what you just said.
PAM: OK.
And when I do that, if you feel like talking some more,
then talk some more.
If you don't, then don't.
PAM: OK.
But whatever I say, just react how it makes you feel.
So have you thought of something you're passionate about?
Uh huh.
What are you passionate about?
Escape room games.
What is it about escape room games
that makes you passionate?
They are so fun to do with friends, and they're immersive.
It's, like, such an immersive experience.
And it challenges your mind.
It challenges your mind?
Yeah, yeah, because when you go in,
if you know what an escape room is,
you have 60 minutes to get out, right?
And so there's this series of different puzzles
that you have to solve in order to get out.
Sounds like you like mental challenges.
Yeah, I do.
I do when it comes to that, that it's puzzles and fun
and then you're kind of cooperating and doing them
together.
And you're also in this immersive experience.
So it's as if you're in the mystery movie
or if you're in the play.
You're part of the play.
It sounds like you like drama.
Maybe I do like drama.
I guess I like the suspense of it.
I guess maybe I do like drama.
But it also sounds like you really like people.
I do, I do.
I like to spend time with my friends,
and I like working together with them in escape rooms.
And the other thing that's kind of interesting about them
is that if you have someone who's never done one before
and then they come with your group, you're like,
this is going to be so fun for you,
and you try to make it the best experience for that person
so that they enjoy them too.
You sound like you really like to help people.
I guess so.
I never really thought about it like that, but I guess I do.
I guess I do like to help--
It sounds like--
Not like I'm a terrible person who's so selfish, but--
You sound like a really loyal person too.
Aw.
That's nice to say.
I think people say--
my friends do say that about me too, that I'm loyal, I guess.
But I'm lucky in that the people that I'm friends with
are nice people and good people, and I feel like my friends--
like, I would do anything for them,
but they would also do anything for me.
You sound drawn to good people.
Yeah, I hope so.
And hopefully good people are drawn to me too.
So it sounds like you just really enjoy bringing out
the best in others.
Mm, I like to think-- yeah, that is fun.
All right, so we just engaged in a practice session--
Right.
--where you knew that I was using negotiation skills.
Right, right, right.
And knowing that, how did it feel?
Well, I felt like I was like, oh, kind of--
as you were asking me something, I
would be like, oh, I guess I've never thought of it like that.
Oh, maybe that is what that means.
So I was kind of discovering things, I guess, about myself.
But I felt like it made me think that you were listening to me
and being intuitive about what I was saying.
Right, right.
So how much do you know about my love of escape room games?
Nothing.
Nothing, nothing.
Or how I feel about people?
PAM: Yeah, nothing.
Or whether or not I have family?
PAM: Yeah.
Or whether or not I've ever done anything like it?
So I shared with you no common ground whatsoever.
Right.
And you talked about everything anyway.
Right.
So it felt comfortable for you.
Yeah, it did feel comfortable for me.
So as of right now, I know that you
like intellectual mental stimulation.
You like challenges.
You like people.
You like collaborating with people.
My guess is you've got real strong feelings about how
people should collaborate and that they
should help each other.
Mm-hmm.
And that's why I took a shot at that loyal thing,
because I start to add all this up.
Like, if I want you--
now I know whether or not I want you for a friend,
and you've got all these great qualities.
You'd be an awesome friend.
I could probably call you, and I'd say, hey, I'm in jail,
and you'd come with bail money.
Yeah, I know.
So in that period of time, I learned an awful lot about
whether or not I want to be friends with you
and whether or not I want to work with you.
Yeah.
I never asked you one question other
than what are you passionate about?
What makes you passionate?
That's true.
You weren't asking me questions.
You were just making statements.
Right.
Didn't ask you a single question once we got started.
And look at how much I learned without asking you a question.
Yeah.
And if you saw me in a coffee shop someplace, what
do you think your reaction would be to whether or not
you want to talk to me again?
If I saw you in a coffee shop?
INSTRUCTOR: Yeah, if you saw me--
After this?
INSTRUCTOR: --couple days from now.
Yeah.
I would say hi.
Yeah.
Right?
Yeah.
Can I say hi to you when I see you in the coffee shop?
Exactly.