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[MUSIC PLAYING]

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I've got a technique
that I absolutely love,

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and I want you to come
to love it as well.

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It's called the
accusations audit.

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An accusations audit is
taking a step back, and taking

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an inventory, doing an audit
of all the possible negatives,

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names, accusations,
slanderous things

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that the other side might
be thinking about me

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based on the circumstances,
or the environment,

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or their own paranoia.

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All the things, that if I
had the chance, I would say,

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I don't want you to feel.

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What happens when you do
this is you start digging

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out all the negatives that the
other side may be harboring

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based on past experiences,
maybe based on past lives.

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Who knows?

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You know, it's the old phrase
about the elephant in the room.

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First of all, the
elephant in the room

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doesn't go away by
pretending it's not there.

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The elephant in the room
doesn't go away by you saying,

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there's not an elephant a room.

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The elephant in the room is
diminished, and eventually goes

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away, by you
saying, hey, there's

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an elephant in the room.

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And then people go, yeah,
that's not that bad.

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So conduct an
inventory, do an audit

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of all the possible negative
names, negative feelings,

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slanderous accusations that
the other side might have.

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Make a list, and go after
them early on and quickly,

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fearlessly.

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Unexpressed negative
emotions never die.

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They fester like an infection,
and they become cancerous.

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And this is an approach
to go after these,

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and even get out
in front of them,

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and trigger the working
collaborative relationship

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from the very beginning.

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[MUSIC PLAYING]

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So you can frame the
accusations audits

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a couple of different ways.

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If you've been in the
relationship for a while,

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just the straight label.

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Now, it seems like you're not
getting all the information out

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of us that you want.

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It probably feels like
we're holding back on you.

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It probably feels like
we're wasting your time.

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It feels like that we're
not being honest with you.

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At the very beginning, you can
be a little more speculative,

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a little more tentative
with it, a little more just

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recognizing what might
probably happened.

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So at the beginning,
you might say,

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you're probably
going to ask yourself

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why you're taking this meeting.

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It probably feels
like it might seem

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like everybody else is
in this line of work

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and that there is no difference
between me and anybody else.

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You may even think
like that the people

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on your side of the
table are going to think

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you're getting pushed around.

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You can be a little
more speculative

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in those observations
because you're

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conveying to the other side
that you're being attentive,

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and you're being speculative,
but you're being careful

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about it the entire
time, and they're going

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to appreciate your approach.

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This gets back to being
a straight shooter.

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You're telling the truth.

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You're calling things out.

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You're recognizing things.

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But you've taken responsibility
for how the statements

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you make land.

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[MUSIC PLAYING]

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So is this tactic applicable
to everyday negotiations?

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Well, it's only applicable
when humans are involved.

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One of my favorite interactions
to get a late checkout,

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and the use of the accusations
audit, and understand,

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I like to be concise.

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I like to go after it.

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I like to deactivate it as
much as possible along the way.

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And I have literally
done this when

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I've called them from my room
and asked for a late checkout.

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And I'm just honest,
I need a check out.

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No, we can't give it to you.

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You've got to check out
at 11, or whatever it is.

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So I'll get up out of my
room, and I'll walk down

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to the front, desk and I
may get the same person

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that I had on the phone.

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Enough time has transpired
from when I left my room

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to get down to the front desk.

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And I'll walk up to the
hotel clerk, and I'll say,

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I'm getting ready to make your
day ridiculously difficult.

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And you can just watch stuff
go through their brains.

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Now, a front desk hotel clerk,
god knows what they face.

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You know, somebody
comes out of a room,

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I'm getting ready to make your
day ridiculously difficult.

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The stuff they've seen up to
that point in time, what's

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going through their
mind is, you know,

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did you have diarrhea
all over the room?

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were you part of a
satanic cult, and you

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just sacrificed one of our
laundry people in your room

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and are there pentagrams
all over the wall?

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You know, they've
probably seen it all,

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and they're going to think
horrible thoughts for just

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a moment, just a moment, just
a dynamic silence of a pause.

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And then you shut up
until they look at you

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and give you
permission to go on.

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And they give you permission
to go on by saying, what is it?

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And you say, I need
a late checkout.

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And they go, oh, my god.

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Okay, sure.

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What do you need?

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2:00, 3:00, 4:00?

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What do you need?

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And they give it to you.

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Now, this works, I'd
like to say, every time.

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There may have been a time
when that didn't work,

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but it works 999
times out of 1,000.

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It works enough that I
go down, and I use it,

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and I get late
checkouts all the time.

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[MUSIC PLAYING]

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How exhaustive should you be
in your list of accusations

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that you're compiling?

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I'm here to tell
you, if you don't

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feel like you're
laying it on thick,

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you're not laying
it on thick enough.

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We have coached people
time after time and run

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people through exercises where
we've had them make lists.

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And nearly every time,
they leave stuff out.

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It really takes a fearless and
courageous brainstorming effect

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on your part to really
go after everything.

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And it's rare that you're
going to overdo it.

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So be as forward
thinking as possible.

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And a great way to test that
is, as you're laying out

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your accusations audits, read
the other side's reaction

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all along the way.

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If you've got a
list of 15 things,

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and you've gone through
the first three,

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and they say, oh, you're
being too hard on yourself,

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you know you've done your job.

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Actually, where you want to get
to is when the other side says,

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you know, you know, you're
being too hard on yourself.

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Because when somebody
says that, they

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have stepped to your
side of the table.

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You have forced empathy
into this situation,

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and that's exactly
what your objective is.

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[MUSIC PLAYING]

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So here's what I'm
asking you to do.

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I'm asking you to be
willing to test drive it.

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Pick some low
stakes conversations

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where if they go bad on
you, no harm, no foul.

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It doesn't matter what it is.

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You're not going to play a high
stakes negotiation with a skill

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that you haven't
test-driven in a low stakes

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conversation any way.

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Nobody performs in a
championship with something

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they've never tried before.

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They've done it in practice.

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So practice on your low stakes
skills, try it out a few times,

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see what you think.