WEBVTT 00:00.000 --> 00:04.970 align:middle line:90% [MUSIC PLAYING] 00:04.970 --> 00:07.455 align:middle line:90% 00:07.455 --> 00:08.415 align:middle line:90% All right. 00:08.415 --> 00:09.890 align:middle line:84% Pam, what we're going to do now is 00:09.890 --> 00:13.080 align:middle line:84% we're going to do another negotiation exercise. 00:13.080 --> 00:14.960 align:middle line:84% This time I'm going to be your dad, 00:14.960 --> 00:17.030 align:middle line:84% you're going to be a 16-year-old girl. 00:17.030 --> 00:19.460 align:middle line:84% Your boyfriend, Ryan, has invited 00:19.460 --> 00:22.970 align:middle line:84% you to go to the lake house with his family for the weekend. 00:22.970 --> 00:24.920 align:middle line:90% It's Labor Day weekend. 00:24.920 --> 00:27.770 align:middle line:84% And you previously got an invitation 00:27.770 --> 00:29.492 align:middle line:84% to go to the lake house for a party, 00:29.492 --> 00:31.950 align:middle line:84% and I found out that his parents weren't going to be there, 00:31.950 --> 00:33.740 align:middle line:90% so I wouldn't let you go. 00:33.740 --> 00:37.130 align:middle line:84% And you want to go and be with your boyfriend 00:37.130 --> 00:39.735 align:middle line:90% over the weekend at the lake. 00:39.735 --> 00:40.820 align:middle line:90% OK. 00:40.820 --> 00:41.330 align:middle line:90% All right. 00:41.330 --> 00:43.400 align:middle line:84% And since you're a trained actor, 00:43.400 --> 00:46.220 align:middle line:84% then I would like you to do as much as you can to channel 00:46.220 --> 00:47.690 align:middle line:90% your inner 16-year-old girl. 00:47.690 --> 00:48.590 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHS] 00:48.590 --> 00:52.490 align:middle line:84% And react as much as you think a 16-year-old girl would 00:52.490 --> 00:53.375 align:middle line:90% actually react. 00:53.375 --> 00:55.100 align:middle line:90% OK. 00:55.100 --> 00:56.510 align:middle line:90% Hey Dad? 00:56.510 --> 00:59.000 align:middle line:84% Ryan's parents invited me to their lake house 00:59.000 --> 01:01.250 align:middle line:84% for the weekend, for Labor Day weekend. 01:01.250 --> 01:02.585 align:middle line:90% Ryan? 01:02.585 --> 01:04.220 align:middle line:90% Yeah, Ryan. 01:04.220 --> 01:05.300 align:middle line:90% Ryan's parents. 01:05.300 --> 01:06.600 align:middle line:90% Yeah, his parents. 01:06.600 --> 01:10.184 align:middle line:84% His parents are going to be there for the weekend. 01:10.184 --> 01:11.360 align:middle line:90% For the weekend. 01:11.360 --> 01:12.170 align:middle line:90% Uh-huh. 01:12.170 --> 01:12.738 align:middle line:90% Yeah. 01:12.738 --> 01:13.655 align:middle line:90% For Labor Day weekend. 01:13.655 --> 01:14.970 align:middle line:90% For the whole weekend. 01:14.970 --> 01:15.470 align:middle line:90% Uh-huh. 01:15.470 --> 01:17.970 align:middle line:90% With him and his parents. 01:17.970 --> 01:19.340 align:middle line:90% For Labor Day weekend. 01:19.340 --> 01:22.323 align:middle line:90% Yeah, for Labor Day weekend. 01:22.323 --> 01:23.740 align:middle line:84% They wanted to know if I could go. 01:23.740 --> 01:26.485 align:middle line:90% 01:26.485 --> 01:31.000 align:middle line:84% So you're going to think that I'm the worst father that 01:31.000 --> 01:32.290 align:middle line:90% ever lived. 01:32.290 --> 01:33.560 align:middle line:90% You're going to hate me. 01:33.560 --> 01:37.728 align:middle line:84% You're going to tell me that I'm ruining your life. 01:37.728 --> 01:39.270 align:middle line:84% I want to spend the weekend with you. 01:39.270 --> 01:42.466 align:middle line:84% Labor Day weekend is a big deal to me. 01:42.466 --> 01:45.150 align:middle line:90% Dad. 01:45.150 --> 01:49.010 align:middle line:84% I mean, I just want to go with them, OK? 01:49.010 --> 01:52.400 align:middle line:84% This is kind of a big deal that they asked me, OK? 01:52.400 --> 01:53.810 align:middle line:84% To spend the weekend on the lake. 01:53.810 --> 01:57.620 align:middle line:84% Like we can spend the weekend together anytime. 01:57.620 --> 02:01.250 align:middle line:90% And it's important that I go. 02:01.250 --> 02:02.600 align:middle line:90% It's important that you go. 02:02.600 --> 02:03.470 align:middle line:90% Yeah. 02:03.470 --> 02:05.842 align:middle line:90% It's important that I go. 02:05.842 --> 02:07.055 align:middle line:90% What makes it important? 02:07.055 --> 02:13.813 align:middle line:84% Because it's like, you know, a big step in Ryan and-- 02:13.813 --> 02:14.480 align:middle line:90% you know, it's-- 02:14.480 --> 02:15.750 align:middle line:90% A big step? 02:15.750 --> 02:20.580 align:middle line:84% Yeah, because his parents are accepting me or whatever. 02:20.580 --> 02:22.530 align:middle line:84% They asked me to go, they're being nice. 02:22.530 --> 02:23.850 align:middle line:90% They like me. 02:23.850 --> 02:24.660 align:middle line:90% They like you. 02:24.660 --> 02:26.700 align:middle line:90% Yeah, they like me. 02:26.700 --> 02:29.220 align:middle line:84% And Ryan likes me, and they want me 02:29.220 --> 02:31.740 align:middle line:90% to spend the weekend with them. 02:31.740 --> 02:34.025 align:middle line:84% How am I supposed to go along with that? 02:34.025 --> 02:36.600 align:middle line:84% I don't know what the big deal is. 02:36.600 --> 02:39.290 align:middle line:84% Yeah, so I go away for the weekend. 02:39.290 --> 02:42.000 align:middle line:84% It's not like we're staying in the same room or anything. 02:42.000 --> 02:44.115 align:middle line:84% How do I know where you're going to stay? 02:44.115 --> 02:45.998 align:middle line:84% Because his parents are going to be there. 02:45.998 --> 02:47.790 align:middle line:84% They're going to be there the whole time. 02:47.790 --> 02:48.420 align:middle line:90% Yeah. 02:48.420 --> 02:50.250 align:middle line:84% His parents are going to be there the whole time. 02:50.250 --> 02:51.840 align:middle line:84% They're all going to sit around in the living room 02:51.840 --> 02:54.173 align:middle line:84% together and stare at each other for the entire weekend. 02:54.173 --> 02:57.165 align:middle line:84% I guess, or go on the lake on the boat or whatever. 02:57.165 --> 02:58.410 align:middle line:90% Have you been there before? 02:58.410 --> 03:01.150 align:middle line:84% No, because you won't let me go before. 03:01.150 --> 03:02.160 align:middle line:90% Remember? 03:02.160 --> 03:04.985 align:middle line:84% They had a party there and I couldn't go to the party? 03:04.985 --> 03:07.860 align:middle line:84% Yeah, so it sounds like Ryan's parents don't actually 03:07.860 --> 03:09.405 align:middle line:90% keep that close track of him. 03:09.405 --> 03:10.470 align:middle line:90% They do. 03:10.470 --> 03:12.735 align:middle line:84% They're going to be there this whole weekend. 03:12.735 --> 03:16.090 align:middle line:84% They let him throw a party at the house over the weekend 03:16.090 --> 03:17.340 align:middle line:90% where they weren't even there. 03:17.340 --> 03:18.240 align:middle line:90% Right. 03:18.240 --> 03:20.430 align:middle line:90% So they allowed him to do that. 03:20.430 --> 03:22.985 align:middle line:84% It sounds like they're really not around him all that much. 03:22.985 --> 03:26.064 align:middle line:84% Well, they're going to be there this weekend! 03:26.064 --> 03:28.400 align:middle line:84% And what makes this important again? 03:28.400 --> 03:32.310 align:middle line:84% It's just important, Dad, because it shows that I-- 03:32.310 --> 03:34.550 align:middle line:90% you know, they asked me! 03:34.550 --> 03:35.720 align:middle line:90% They asked me to go! 03:35.720 --> 03:39.260 align:middle line:84% And do you want me to have fun, to go? 03:39.260 --> 03:41.060 align:middle line:84% Sounds like it's important you what 03:41.060 --> 03:42.260 align:middle line:90% Ryan's parents think of you. 03:42.260 --> 03:46.020 align:middle line:90% Well, I guess. 03:46.020 --> 03:47.128 align:middle line:90% So it's not important. 03:47.128 --> 03:48.420 align:middle line:90% You don't care what they think. 03:48.420 --> 03:50.100 align:middle line:90% I do care what they think. 03:50.100 --> 03:52.850 align:middle line:84% I do care what they think, so it is important. 03:52.850 --> 03:55.790 align:middle line:84% OK, it's important what they think of me. 03:55.790 --> 03:56.490 align:middle line:90% OK? 03:56.490 --> 03:58.950 align:middle line:84% It's important what Ryan thinks of me. 03:58.950 --> 03:59.550 align:middle line:90% All right? 03:59.550 --> 04:03.780 align:middle line:84% And then it's important what you think of Ryan, because he's 04:03.780 --> 04:06.330 align:middle line:84% going to think that you don't like him, 04:06.330 --> 04:10.010 align:middle line:84% and his parents are going to think that you don't like him, 04:10.010 --> 04:11.400 align:middle line:90% if you don't let me go. 04:11.400 --> 04:13.130 align:middle line:90% And what makes this important? 04:13.130 --> 04:16.140 align:middle line:90% It's just important, Dad. 04:16.140 --> 04:19.860 align:middle line:90% Because you know, I don't know. 04:19.860 --> 04:22.590 align:middle line:84% What if Ryan's like, oh, that's weird. 04:22.590 --> 04:26.730 align:middle line:84% She can't go this weekend, her dad won't let her go. 04:26.730 --> 04:28.290 align:middle line:84% And then he's like oh, maybe I'll 04:28.290 --> 04:31.110 align:middle line:84% get a different girlfriend, somebody whose 04:31.110 --> 04:34.500 align:middle line:90% dad lets her hang out with me. 04:34.500 --> 04:36.790 align:middle line:90% You know? 04:36.790 --> 04:38.670 align:middle line:84% Sounds like you really don't trust Ryan. 04:38.670 --> 04:42.360 align:middle line:84% It's not that I don't trust him, you know? 04:42.360 --> 04:43.640 align:middle line:90% I trust him. 04:43.640 --> 04:46.770 align:middle line:84% Sounds like he's not that dedicated to you. 04:46.770 --> 04:48.150 align:middle line:90% I don't know. 04:48.150 --> 04:50.100 align:middle line:90% Dad, whatever! 04:50.100 --> 04:51.210 align:middle line:90% Maybe he is. 04:51.210 --> 04:52.080 align:middle line:90% I don't know. 04:52.080 --> 04:54.530 align:middle line:90% Of course, he's dedicated. 04:54.530 --> 04:55.620 align:middle line:90% OK? 04:55.620 --> 04:57.195 align:middle line:90% I just want to go. 04:57.195 --> 05:00.940 align:middle line:84% So how does this affect your future? 05:00.940 --> 05:05.770 align:middle line:84% Then it would be good, because I would have fun and have 05:05.770 --> 05:08.770 align:middle line:84% a nice weekend, and then Ryan and I 05:08.770 --> 05:12.790 align:middle line:84% would be boyfriend and girlfriend for a long time. 05:12.790 --> 05:15.070 align:middle line:84% So as long as you have fun and have a nice weekend, 05:15.070 --> 05:17.062 align:middle line:84% you don't have to go to the lake. 05:17.062 --> 05:20.475 align:middle line:84% No, that's not what I'm saying. 05:20.475 --> 05:22.780 align:middle line:84% So how does he really feel about you? 05:22.780 --> 05:25.410 align:middle line:90% He loves me, Dad. 05:25.410 --> 05:26.520 align:middle line:90% We love each other. 05:26.520 --> 05:27.690 align:middle line:90% How do you know? 05:27.690 --> 05:30.230 align:middle line:90% Because he says it. 05:30.230 --> 05:31.370 align:middle line:90% He said it. 05:31.370 --> 05:33.080 align:middle line:90% And he's inviting me to go. 05:33.080 --> 05:34.730 align:middle line:84% So it seems really important to you. 05:34.730 --> 05:35.480 align:middle line:90% Yeah. 05:35.480 --> 05:39.550 align:middle line:84% What is him inviting you to the lake for the weekend, 05:39.550 --> 05:40.760 align:middle line:90% how is it important? 05:40.760 --> 05:43.206 align:middle line:90% What does that mean? 05:43.206 --> 05:49.530 align:middle line:84% It means that they're taking me into their family, 05:49.530 --> 05:53.295 align:middle line:84% to be part of their family, that they're accepting me. 05:53.295 --> 05:57.425 align:middle line:84% And so what's the next step after that? 05:57.425 --> 06:03.586 align:middle line:84% I don't know, Dad, that whatever, that we're together. 06:03.586 --> 06:04.740 align:middle line:90% Together? 06:04.740 --> 06:09.600 align:middle line:84% That we're going out, that we're in love, Dad. 06:09.600 --> 06:11.580 align:middle line:84% I don't know what's going to happen, OK? 06:11.580 --> 06:14.772 align:middle line:84% I'm not saying we're going to get married or anything. 06:14.772 --> 06:17.120 align:middle line:84% So how much does he really care about you? 06:17.120 --> 06:18.440 align:middle line:90% He cares about me a lot. 06:18.440 --> 06:19.860 align:middle line:90% And you mean a lot to him. 06:19.860 --> 06:20.665 align:middle line:90% I do. 06:20.665 --> 06:22.600 align:middle line:84% But it sounds like you're worried about what 06:22.600 --> 06:24.055 align:middle line:90% he'll do if you're not there. 06:24.055 --> 06:26.050 align:middle line:90% I'm not worried, OK? 06:26.050 --> 06:27.580 align:middle line:90% I'm not worried. 06:27.580 --> 06:29.620 align:middle line:84% I'm not worried if I'm not there. 06:29.620 --> 06:30.510 align:middle line:90% OK? 06:30.510 --> 06:32.670 align:middle line:84% So it's not that big of a deal to not go? 06:32.670 --> 06:35.470 align:middle line:90% It's a big deal to go! 06:35.470 --> 06:38.292 align:middle line:84% So I'm going to be a horrible person 06:38.292 --> 06:40.250 align:middle line:84% and ruin your whole life if I don't let you go. 06:40.250 --> 06:42.950 align:middle line:90% 06:42.950 --> 06:44.300 align:middle line:90% I guess not. 06:44.300 --> 06:45.932 align:middle line:90% I don't know. 06:45.932 --> 06:47.340 align:middle line:90% Well, I care about you. 06:47.340 --> 06:49.860 align:middle line:84% And I care about the decisions that you make 06:49.860 --> 06:52.890 align:middle line:84% and the decisions that you don't make. 06:52.890 --> 06:57.350 align:middle line:84% And I don't think it's a good idea for you to go. 06:57.350 --> 06:58.995 align:middle line:90% Well, why not? 06:58.995 --> 07:01.340 align:middle line:84% Well, his parents, these are the same people 07:01.340 --> 07:03.920 align:middle line:84% who let him throw a wild party at the lake over the weekend, 07:03.920 --> 07:04.820 align:middle line:90% and they weren't there at all. 07:04.820 --> 07:05.690 align:middle line:84% It doesn't sound to me like they're 07:05.690 --> 07:06.778 align:middle line:90% watching him that closely. 07:06.778 --> 07:08.570 align:middle line:84% It doesn't sound like he feels particularly 07:08.570 --> 07:10.490 align:middle line:90% accountable to his parents. 07:10.490 --> 07:12.487 align:middle line:90% So I'm like, 16, Dad. 07:12.487 --> 07:14.320 align:middle line:84% I'm going to be an adult in like, two years. 07:14.320 --> 07:16.630 align:middle line:84% Yes, and you'll be able to make all those decisions 07:16.630 --> 07:17.720 align:middle line:90% for yourself in two years. 07:17.720 --> 07:19.720 align:middle line:84% And in the meantime, it's my job to protect you. 07:19.720 --> 07:25.973 align:middle line:90% 07:25.973 --> 07:26.835 align:middle line:90% Fine. 07:26.835 --> 07:30.402 align:middle line:90% 07:30.402 --> 07:31.659 align:middle line:90% All right. 07:31.659 --> 07:32.367 align:middle line:90% We'll stop there. 07:32.367 --> 07:35.640 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHS] 07:35.640 --> 07:37.810 align:middle line:90% [INAUDIBLE] about it. 07:37.810 --> 07:40.990 align:middle line:84% But I felt like it's interesting, because you 07:40.990 --> 07:43.388 align:middle line:90% were never like, no. 07:43.388 --> 07:45.430 align:middle line:84% You were like, I'm going to be a horrible person. 07:45.430 --> 07:47.055 align:middle line:84% You're going to think I'm terrible if I 07:47.055 --> 07:50.315 align:middle line:84% don't let you go, if I say no, if I don't let you go. 07:50.315 --> 07:51.940 align:middle line:84% But you weren't like, no, you can't go. 07:51.940 --> 07:53.470 align:middle line:90% You weren't combative with me. 07:53.470 --> 07:54.760 align:middle line:90% Right. 07:54.760 --> 07:56.660 align:middle line:84% So it kept you from getting combative. 07:56.660 --> 07:58.930 align:middle line:84% It kept me from getting combative, 07:58.930 --> 08:01.330 align:middle line:84% even though I wanted to be combative. 08:01.330 --> 08:06.160 align:middle line:84% But then to me, too, I was like, oh, it's really 08:06.160 --> 08:09.580 align:middle line:90% making me think about Ryan. 08:09.580 --> 08:13.570 align:middle line:84% Because when you're like, so you don't trust him, then. 08:13.570 --> 08:18.250 align:middle line:84% So he doesn't care about you, he doesn't respect you? 08:18.250 --> 08:20.740 align:middle line:84% You're afraid that if you're not there for one second. 08:20.740 --> 08:24.160 align:middle line:84% And then I was like, oh no, that is what I feel like, 08:24.160 --> 08:26.480 align:middle line:84% and that's wrong to feel like that. 08:26.480 --> 08:29.350 align:middle line:84% That's not what like the relationship 08:29.350 --> 08:31.590 align:middle line:84% should be like, you know, is what I was thinking. 08:31.590 --> 08:32.770 align:middle line:90% Right, ah interesting. 08:32.770 --> 08:34.900 align:middle line:84% Yeah, so you were making me feel that way. 08:34.900 --> 08:37.661 align:middle line:84% You were making me be like, oh, so you don't trust him? 08:37.661 --> 08:39.280 align:middle line:84% And I'm like, no, I do trust him. 08:39.280 --> 08:41.580 align:middle line:84% So you were just kind of being like, then 08:41.580 --> 08:43.570 align:middle line:84% why is it so important for you to go? 08:43.570 --> 08:44.690 align:middle line:90% You know? 08:44.690 --> 08:46.420 align:middle line:84% And all I was just really trying 08:46.420 --> 08:48.720 align:middle line:84% to do throughout the duration of it 08:48.720 --> 08:53.730 align:middle line:84% is I think it's a parent's job to teach their kids to think. 08:53.730 --> 08:55.870 align:middle line:84% And so all I was really trying to do 08:55.870 --> 08:58.710 align:middle line:84% was to get you to really think hard about all of this. 08:58.710 --> 08:59.210 align:middle line:90% Right. 08:59.210 --> 09:03.480 align:middle line:84% And how much it meant, and what your assessment is of him. 09:03.480 --> 09:06.480 align:middle line:84% And I just really wanted you to think hard about it. 09:06.480 --> 09:10.440 align:middle line:84% And before I said anything for sure one way or another, 09:10.440 --> 09:12.870 align:middle line:84% I just wanted to make sure you were thinking all of it 09:12.870 --> 09:14.670 align:middle line:90% all the way through. 09:14.670 --> 09:16.167 align:middle line:84% And I wanted to do it in a way that 09:16.167 --> 09:18.750 align:middle line:84% didn't make you feel like I was forcing you to think about it. 09:18.750 --> 09:19.710 align:middle line:84% I wanted to say, now wait a minute, 09:19.710 --> 09:21.070 align:middle line:84% think about this for two seconds. 09:21.070 --> 09:21.570 align:middle line:90% Right. 09:21.570 --> 09:23.040 align:middle line:84% But I wanted to get you to think 09:23.040 --> 09:26.070 align:middle line:84% about it without you feeling like I 09:26.070 --> 09:27.390 align:middle line:90% was making you think about it. 09:27.390 --> 09:28.315 align:middle line:90% Right. 09:28.315 --> 09:30.940 align:middle line:84% So that was really all I was after. 09:30.940 --> 09:32.490 align:middle line:90% Think all this through. 09:32.490 --> 09:35.040 align:middle line:84% Only you think it through as opposed to me 09:35.040 --> 09:36.600 align:middle line:90% thinking it through for you. 09:36.600 --> 09:37.290 align:middle line:90% Right. 09:37.290 --> 09:40.350 align:middle line:84% And it's interesting that you then 09:40.350 --> 09:43.566 align:middle line:84% started to worry about what you really thought of him. 09:43.566 --> 09:44.910 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHS] Yeah. 09:44.910 --> 09:49.140 align:middle line:84% And then I was trying to bring up the thing of, 09:49.140 --> 09:52.620 align:middle line:84% you didn't let me go before, so you should let me go now. 09:52.620 --> 09:55.530 align:middle line:84% And then you turned it around to be like, oh, 09:55.530 --> 09:57.840 align:middle line:84% so his parents weren't there before. 09:57.840 --> 10:02.040 align:middle line:90% And I was like oh, no! 10:02.040 --> 10:04.650 align:middle line:90% Why did I mention that? 10:04.650 --> 10:06.920 align:middle line:90% So I thought it was interesting. 10:06.920 --> 10:09.420 align:middle line:84% Even though there were times where I was like frustrated, as 10:09.420 --> 10:12.870 align:middle line:90% a teenager, I was like oh, OK. 10:12.870 --> 10:15.060 align:middle line:84% Yeah, you're right, you're right. 10:15.060 --> 10:16.360 align:middle line:90% It shouldn't be that important. 10:16.360 --> 10:17.430 align:middle line:90% It doesn't matter. 10:17.430 --> 10:20.060 align:middle line:90% All right, very good.