[MUSIC PLAYING]
All right.
Pam, what we're going to do now is
we're going to do another negotiation exercise.
This time I'm going to be your dad,
you're going to be a 16-year-old girl.
Your boyfriend, Ryan, has invited
you to go to the lake house with his family for the weekend.
It's Labor Day weekend.
And you previously got an invitation
to go to the lake house for a party,
and I found out that his parents weren't going to be there,
so I wouldn't let you go.
And you want to go and be with your boyfriend
over the weekend at the lake.
OK.
All right.
And since you're a trained actor,
then I would like you to do as much as you can to channel
your inner 16-year-old girl.
[LAUGHS]
And react as much as you think a 16-year-old girl would
actually react.
OK.
Hey Dad?
Ryan's parents invited me to their lake house
for the weekend, for Labor Day weekend.
Ryan?
Yeah, Ryan.
Ryan's parents.
Yeah, his parents.
His parents are going to be there for the weekend.
For the weekend.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
For Labor Day weekend.
For the whole weekend.
Uh-huh.
With him and his parents.
For Labor Day weekend.
Yeah, for Labor Day weekend.
They wanted to know if I could go.
So you're going to think that I'm the worst father that
ever lived.
You're going to hate me.
You're going to tell me that I'm ruining your life.
I want to spend the weekend with you.
Labor Day weekend is a big deal to me.
Dad.
I mean, I just want to go with them, OK?
This is kind of a big deal that they asked me, OK?
To spend the weekend on the lake.
Like we can spend the weekend together anytime.
And it's important that I go.
It's important that you go.
Yeah.
It's important that I go.
What makes it important?
Because it's like, you know, a big step in Ryan and--
you know, it's--
A big step?
Yeah, because his parents are accepting me or whatever.
They asked me to go, they're being nice.
They like me.
They like you.
Yeah, they like me.
And Ryan likes me, and they want me
to spend the weekend with them.
How am I supposed to go along with that?
I don't know what the big deal is.
Yeah, so I go away for the weekend.
It's not like we're staying in the same room or anything.
How do I know where you're going to stay?
Because his parents are going to be there.
They're going to be there the whole time.
Yeah.
His parents are going to be there the whole time.
They're all going to sit around in the living room
together and stare at each other for the entire weekend.
I guess, or go on the lake on the boat or whatever.
Have you been there before?
No, because you won't let me go before.
Remember?
They had a party there and I couldn't go to the party?
Yeah, so it sounds like Ryan's parents don't actually
keep that close track of him.
They do.
They're going to be there this whole weekend.
They let him throw a party at the house over the weekend
where they weren't even there.
Right.
So they allowed him to do that.
It sounds like they're really not around him all that much.
Well, they're going to be there this weekend!
And what makes this important again?
It's just important, Dad, because it shows that I--
you know, they asked me!
They asked me to go!
And do you want me to have fun, to go?
Sounds like it's important you what
Ryan's parents think of you.
Well, I guess.
So it's not important.
You don't care what they think.
I do care what they think.
I do care what they think, so it is important.
OK, it's important what they think of me.
OK?
It's important what Ryan thinks of me.
All right?
And then it's important what you think of Ryan, because he's
going to think that you don't like him,
and his parents are going to think that you don't like him,
if you don't let me go.
And what makes this important?
It's just important, Dad.
Because you know, I don't know.
What if Ryan's like, oh, that's weird.
She can't go this weekend, her dad won't let her go.
And then he's like oh, maybe I'll
get a different girlfriend, somebody whose
dad lets her hang out with me.
You know?
Sounds like you really don't trust Ryan.
It's not that I don't trust him, you know?
I trust him.
Sounds like he's not that dedicated to you.
I don't know.
Dad, whatever!
Maybe he is.
I don't know.
Of course, he's dedicated.
OK?
I just want to go.
So how does this affect your future?
Then it would be good, because I would have fun and have
a nice weekend, and then Ryan and I
would be boyfriend and girlfriend for a long time.
So as long as you have fun and have a nice weekend,
you don't have to go to the lake.
No, that's not what I'm saying.
So how does he really feel about you?
He loves me, Dad.
We love each other.
How do you know?
Because he says it.
He said it.
And he's inviting me to go.
So it seems really important to you.
Yeah.
What is him inviting you to the lake for the weekend,
how is it important?
What does that mean?
It means that they're taking me into their family,
to be part of their family, that they're accepting me.
And so what's the next step after that?
I don't know, Dad, that whatever, that we're together.
Together?
That we're going out, that we're in love, Dad.
I don't know what's going to happen, OK?
I'm not saying we're going to get married or anything.
So how much does he really care about you?
He cares about me a lot.
And you mean a lot to him.
I do.
But it sounds like you're worried about what
he'll do if you're not there.
I'm not worried, OK?
I'm not worried.
I'm not worried if I'm not there.
OK?
So it's not that big of a deal to not go?
It's a big deal to go!
So I'm going to be a horrible person
and ruin your whole life if I don't let you go.
I guess not.
I don't know.
Well, I care about you.
And I care about the decisions that you make
and the decisions that you don't make.
And I don't think it's a good idea for you to go.
Well, why not?
Well, his parents, these are the same people
who let him throw a wild party at the lake over the weekend,
and they weren't there at all.
It doesn't sound to me like they're
watching him that closely.
It doesn't sound like he feels particularly
accountable to his parents.
So I'm like, 16, Dad.
I'm going to be an adult in like, two years.
Yes, and you'll be able to make all those decisions
for yourself in two years.
And in the meantime, it's my job to protect you.
Fine.
All right.
We'll stop there.
[LAUGHS]
[INAUDIBLE] about it.
But I felt like it's interesting, because you
were never like, no.
You were like, I'm going to be a horrible person.
You're going to think I'm terrible if I
don't let you go, if I say no, if I don't let you go.
But you weren't like, no, you can't go.
You weren't combative with me.
Right.
So it kept you from getting combative.
It kept me from getting combative,
even though I wanted to be combative.
But then to me, too, I was like, oh, it's really
making me think about Ryan.
Because when you're like, so you don't trust him, then.
So he doesn't care about you, he doesn't respect you?
You're afraid that if you're not there for one second.
And then I was like, oh no, that is what I feel like,
and that's wrong to feel like that.
That's not what like the relationship
should be like, you know, is what I was thinking.
Right, ah interesting.
Yeah, so you were making me feel that way.
You were making me be like, oh, so you don't trust him?
And I'm like, no, I do trust him.
So you were just kind of being like, then
why is it so important for you to go?
You know?
And all I was just really trying
to do throughout the duration of it
is I think it's a parent's job to teach their kids to think.
And so all I was really trying to do
was to get you to really think hard about all of this.
Right.
And how much it meant, and what your assessment is of him.
And I just really wanted you to think hard about it.
And before I said anything for sure one way or another,
I just wanted to make sure you were thinking all of it
all the way through.
And I wanted to do it in a way that
didn't make you feel like I was forcing you to think about it.
I wanted to say, now wait a minute,
think about this for two seconds.
Right.
But I wanted to get you to think
about it without you feeling like I
was making you think about it.
Right.
So that was really all I was after.
Think all this through.
Only you think it through as opposed to me
thinking it through for you.
Right.
And it's interesting that you then
started to worry about what you really thought of him.
[LAUGHS] Yeah.
And then I was trying to bring up the thing of,
you didn't let me go before, so you should let me go now.
And then you turned it around to be like, oh,
so his parents weren't there before.
And I was like oh, no!
Why did I mention that?
So I thought it was interesting.
Even though there were times where I was like frustrated, as
a teenager, I was like oh, OK.
Yeah, you're right, you're right.
It shouldn't be that important.
It doesn't matter.
All right, very good.