1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,970 [MUSIC PLAYING] 2 00:00:07,455 --> 00:00:08,415 All right. 3 00:00:08,415 --> 00:00:09,895 Pam, what we're going to do now is 4 00:00:09,890 --> 00:00:13,080 we're going to do another negotiation exercise. 5 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:14,960 This time I'm going to be your dad, 6 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:17,030 you're going to be a 16-year-old girl. 7 00:00:17,030 --> 00:00:19,460 Your boyfriend, Ryan, has invited 8 00:00:19,460 --> 00:00:22,970 you to go to the lake house with his family for the weekend. 9 00:00:22,970 --> 00:00:24,920 It's Labor Day weekend. 10 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:27,770 And you previously got an invitation 11 00:00:27,770 --> 00:00:29,490 to go to the lake house for a party, 12 00:00:29,492 --> 00:00:31,952 and I found out that his parents weren't going to be there, 13 00:00:31,950 --> 00:00:33,740 so I wouldn't let you go. 14 00:00:33,740 --> 00:00:37,130 And you want to go and be with your boyfriend 15 00:00:37,130 --> 00:00:39,740 over the weekend at the lake. 16 00:00:39,735 --> 00:00:40,825 OK. 17 00:00:40,820 --> 00:00:41,330 All right. 18 00:00:41,330 --> 00:00:43,400 And since you're a trained actor, 19 00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:46,220 then I would like you to do as much as you can to channel 20 00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:47,690 your inner 16-year-old girl. 21 00:00:47,690 --> 00:00:48,590 [LAUGHS] 22 00:00:48,590 --> 00:00:52,490 And react as much as you think a 16-year-old girl would 23 00:00:52,490 --> 00:00:53,380 actually react. 24 00:00:53,375 --> 00:00:55,105 OK. 25 00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:56,510 Hey Dad? 26 00:00:56,510 --> 00:00:59,000 Ryan's parents invited me to their lake house 27 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,250 for the weekend, for Labor Day weekend. 28 00:01:01,250 --> 00:01:02,590 Ryan? 29 00:01:02,585 --> 00:01:04,225 Yeah, Ryan. 30 00:01:04,220 --> 00:01:05,300 Ryan's parents. 31 00:01:05,300 --> 00:01:06,600 Yeah, his parents. 32 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:10,180 His parents are going to be there for the weekend. 33 00:01:10,184 --> 00:01:11,364 For the weekend. 34 00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:12,170 Uh-huh. 35 00:01:12,170 --> 00:01:12,740 Yeah. 36 00:01:12,738 --> 00:01:13,658 For Labor Day weekend. 37 00:01:13,655 --> 00:01:14,975 For the whole weekend. 38 00:01:14,970 --> 00:01:15,470 Uh-huh. 39 00:01:15,470 --> 00:01:17,970 With him and his parents. 40 00:01:17,970 --> 00:01:19,340 For Labor Day weekend. 41 00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:22,320 Yeah, for Labor Day weekend. 42 00:01:22,323 --> 00:01:23,743 They wanted to know if I could go. 43 00:01:26,485 --> 00:01:31,005 So you're going to think that I'm the worst father that 44 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,290 ever lived. 45 00:01:32,290 --> 00:01:33,560 You're going to hate me. 46 00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:37,730 You're going to tell me that I'm ruining your life. 47 00:01:37,728 --> 00:01:39,268 I want to spend the weekend with you. 48 00:01:39,270 --> 00:01:42,470 Labor Day weekend is a big deal to me. 49 00:01:42,466 --> 00:01:45,146 Dad. 50 00:01:45,150 --> 00:01:49,010 I mean, I just want to go with them, OK? 51 00:01:49,010 --> 00:01:52,400 This is kind of a big deal that they asked me, OK? 52 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:53,810 To spend the weekend on the lake. 53 00:01:53,810 --> 00:01:57,620 Like we can spend the weekend together anytime. 54 00:01:57,620 --> 00:02:01,250 And it's important that I go. 55 00:02:01,250 --> 00:02:02,600 It's important that you go. 56 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:03,470 Yeah. 57 00:02:03,470 --> 00:02:05,840 It's important that I go. 58 00:02:05,842 --> 00:02:07,052 What makes it important? 59 00:02:07,055 --> 00:02:13,815 Because it's like, you know, a big step in Ryan and-- 60 00:02:13,813 --> 00:02:14,483 you know, it's-- 61 00:02:14,480 --> 00:02:15,750 A big step? 62 00:02:15,750 --> 00:02:20,580 Yeah, because his parents are accepting me or whatever. 63 00:02:20,580 --> 00:02:22,530 They asked me to go, they're being nice. 64 00:02:22,530 --> 00:02:23,850 They like me. 65 00:02:23,850 --> 00:02:24,660 They like you. 66 00:02:24,660 --> 00:02:26,700 Yeah, they like me. 67 00:02:26,700 --> 00:02:29,220 And Ryan likes me, and they want me 68 00:02:29,220 --> 00:02:31,740 to spend the weekend with them. 69 00:02:31,740 --> 00:02:34,030 How am I supposed to go along with that? 70 00:02:34,025 --> 00:02:36,605 I don't know what the big deal is. 71 00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:39,290 Yeah, so I go away for the weekend. 72 00:02:39,290 --> 00:02:42,000 It's not like we're staying in the same room or anything. 73 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:44,120 How do I know where you're going to stay? 74 00:02:44,115 --> 00:02:45,995 Because his parents are going to be there. 75 00:02:45,998 --> 00:02:47,788 They're going to be there the whole time. 76 00:02:47,790 --> 00:02:48,420 Yeah. 77 00:02:48,420 --> 00:02:50,250 His parents are going to be there the whole time. 78 00:02:50,250 --> 00:02:51,840 They're all going to sit around in the living room 79 00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:54,170 together and stare at each other for the entire weekend. 80 00:02:54,173 --> 00:02:57,163 I guess, or go on the lake on the boat or whatever. 81 00:02:57,165 --> 00:02:58,415 Have you been there before? 82 00:02:58,410 --> 00:03:01,150 No, because you won't let me go before. 83 00:03:01,150 --> 00:03:02,160 Remember? 84 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:04,990 They had a party there and I couldn't go to the party? 85 00:03:04,985 --> 00:03:07,865 Yeah, so it sounds like Ryan's parents don't actually 86 00:03:07,860 --> 00:03:09,410 keep that close track of him. 87 00:03:09,405 --> 00:03:10,475 They do. 88 00:03:10,470 --> 00:03:12,740 They're going to be there this whole weekend. 89 00:03:12,735 --> 00:03:16,095 They let him throw a party at the house over the weekend 90 00:03:16,090 --> 00:03:17,340 where they weren't even there. 91 00:03:17,340 --> 00:03:18,240 Right. 92 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,430 So they allowed him to do that. 93 00:03:20,430 --> 00:03:22,990 It sounds like they're really not around him all that much. 94 00:03:22,985 --> 00:03:26,065 Well, they're going to be there this weekend! 95 00:03:26,064 --> 00:03:28,404 And what makes this important again? 96 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:32,310 It's just important, Dad, because it shows that I-- 97 00:03:32,310 --> 00:03:34,550 you know, they asked me! 98 00:03:34,550 --> 00:03:35,720 They asked me to go! 99 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:39,260 And do you want me to have fun, to go? 100 00:03:39,260 --> 00:03:41,060 Sounds like it's important you what 101 00:03:41,060 --> 00:03:42,260 Ryan's parents think of you. 102 00:03:42,260 --> 00:03:46,020 Well, I guess. 103 00:03:46,020 --> 00:03:47,130 So it's not important. 104 00:03:47,128 --> 00:03:48,418 You don't care what they think. 105 00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:50,100 I do care what they think. 106 00:03:50,100 --> 00:03:52,850 I do care what they think, so it is important. 107 00:03:52,850 --> 00:03:55,790 OK, it's important what they think of me. 108 00:03:55,790 --> 00:03:56,490 OK? 109 00:03:56,490 --> 00:03:58,950 It's important what Ryan thinks of me. 110 00:03:58,950 --> 00:03:59,550 All right? 111 00:03:59,550 --> 00:04:03,780 And then it's important what you think of Ryan, because he's 112 00:04:03,780 --> 00:04:06,330 going to think that you don't like him, 113 00:04:06,330 --> 00:04:10,010 and his parents are going to think that you don't like him, 114 00:04:10,010 --> 00:04:11,400 if you don't let me go. 115 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,130 And what makes this important? 116 00:04:13,130 --> 00:04:16,140 It's just important, Dad. 117 00:04:16,140 --> 00:04:19,860 Because you know, I don't know. 118 00:04:19,860 --> 00:04:22,590 What if Ryan's like, oh, that's weird. 119 00:04:22,590 --> 00:04:26,730 She can't go this weekend, her dad won't let her go. 120 00:04:26,730 --> 00:04:28,290 And then he's like oh, maybe I'll 121 00:04:28,290 --> 00:04:31,110 get a different girlfriend, somebody whose 122 00:04:31,110 --> 00:04:34,500 dad lets her hang out with me. 123 00:04:34,500 --> 00:04:36,790 You know? 124 00:04:36,790 --> 00:04:38,670 Sounds like you really don't trust Ryan. 125 00:04:38,670 --> 00:04:42,360 It's not that I don't trust him, you know? 126 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:43,640 I trust him. 127 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,770 Sounds like he's not that dedicated to you. 128 00:04:46,770 --> 00:04:48,150 I don't know. 129 00:04:48,150 --> 00:04:50,100 Dad, whatever! 130 00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:51,210 Maybe he is. 131 00:04:51,210 --> 00:04:52,080 I don't know. 132 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:54,530 Of course, he's dedicated. 133 00:04:54,530 --> 00:04:55,620 OK? 134 00:04:55,620 --> 00:04:57,200 I just want to go. 135 00:04:57,195 --> 00:05:00,945 So how does this affect your future? 136 00:05:00,940 --> 00:05:05,770 Then it would be good, because I would have fun and have 137 00:05:05,770 --> 00:05:08,770 a nice weekend, and then Ryan and I 138 00:05:08,770 --> 00:05:12,790 would be boyfriend and girlfriend for a long time. 139 00:05:12,790 --> 00:05:15,070 So as long as you have fun and have a nice weekend, 140 00:05:15,070 --> 00:05:17,060 you don't have to go to the lake. 141 00:05:17,062 --> 00:05:20,472 No, that's not what I'm saying. 142 00:05:20,475 --> 00:05:22,785 So how does he really feel about you? 143 00:05:22,780 --> 00:05:25,410 He loves me, Dad. 144 00:05:25,410 --> 00:05:26,520 We love each other. 145 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:27,690 How do you know? 146 00:05:27,690 --> 00:05:30,230 Because he says it. 147 00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,370 He said it. 148 00:05:31,370 --> 00:05:33,080 And he's inviting me to go. 149 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:34,730 So it seems really important to you. 150 00:05:34,730 --> 00:05:35,480 Yeah. 151 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:39,550 What is him inviting you to the lake for the weekend, 152 00:05:39,550 --> 00:05:40,760 how is it important? 153 00:05:40,760 --> 00:05:43,210 What does that mean? 154 00:05:43,206 --> 00:05:49,526 It means that they're taking me into their family, 155 00:05:49,530 --> 00:05:53,300 to be part of their family, that they're accepting me. 156 00:05:53,295 --> 00:05:57,425 And so what's the next step after that? 157 00:05:57,425 --> 00:06:03,585 I don't know, Dad, that whatever, that we're together. 158 00:06:03,586 --> 00:06:04,736 Together? 159 00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:09,600 That we're going out, that we're in love, Dad. 160 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,580 I don't know what's going to happen, OK? 161 00:06:11,580 --> 00:06:14,770 I'm not saying we're going to get married or anything. 162 00:06:14,772 --> 00:06:17,122 So how much does he really care about you? 163 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:18,440 He cares about me a lot. 164 00:06:18,440 --> 00:06:19,860 And you mean a lot to him. 165 00:06:19,860 --> 00:06:20,670 I do. 166 00:06:20,665 --> 00:06:22,605 But it sounds like you're worried about what 167 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,060 he'll do if you're not there. 168 00:06:24,055 --> 00:06:26,055 I'm not worried, OK? 169 00:06:26,050 --> 00:06:27,580 I'm not worried. 170 00:06:27,580 --> 00:06:29,620 I'm not worried if I'm not there. 171 00:06:29,620 --> 00:06:30,510 OK? 172 00:06:30,510 --> 00:06:32,670 So it's not that big of a deal to not go? 173 00:06:32,670 --> 00:06:35,470 It's a big deal to go! 174 00:06:35,470 --> 00:06:38,290 So I'm going to be a horrible person 175 00:06:38,292 --> 00:06:40,252 and ruin your whole life if I don't let you go. 176 00:06:42,950 --> 00:06:44,300 I guess not. 177 00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:45,930 I don't know. 178 00:06:45,932 --> 00:06:47,342 Well, I care about you. 179 00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,860 And I care about the decisions that you make 180 00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:52,890 and the decisions that you don't make. 181 00:06:52,890 --> 00:06:57,350 And I don't think it's a good idea for you to go. 182 00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:59,000 Well, why not? 183 00:06:58,995 --> 00:07:01,345 Well, his parents, these are the same people 184 00:07:01,340 --> 00:07:03,920 who let him throw a wild party at the lake over the weekend, 185 00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:04,820 and they weren't there at all. 186 00:07:04,820 --> 00:07:05,690 It doesn't sound to me like they're 187 00:07:05,690 --> 00:07:06,780 watching him that closely. 188 00:07:06,778 --> 00:07:08,568 It doesn't sound like he feels particularly 189 00:07:08,570 --> 00:07:10,490 accountable to his parents. 190 00:07:10,490 --> 00:07:12,490 So I'm like, 16, Dad. 191 00:07:12,487 --> 00:07:14,317 I'm going to be an adult in like, two years. 192 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,630 Yes, and you'll be able to make all those decisions 193 00:07:16,630 --> 00:07:17,720 for yourself in two years. 194 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:19,720 And in the meantime, it's my job to protect you. 195 00:07:25,973 --> 00:07:26,833 Fine. 196 00:07:30,402 --> 00:07:31,662 All right. 197 00:07:31,659 --> 00:07:32,369 We'll stop there. 198 00:07:32,367 --> 00:07:35,637 [LAUGHS] 199 00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,810 [INAUDIBLE] about it. 200 00:07:37,810 --> 00:07:40,990 But I felt like it's interesting, because you 201 00:07:40,990 --> 00:07:43,390 were never like, no. 202 00:07:43,388 --> 00:07:45,428 You were like, I'm going to be a horrible person. 203 00:07:45,430 --> 00:07:47,060 You're going to think I'm terrible if I 204 00:07:47,055 --> 00:07:50,315 don't let you go, if I say no, if I don't let you go. 205 00:07:50,315 --> 00:07:51,945 But you weren't like, no, you can't go. 206 00:07:51,940 --> 00:07:53,470 You weren't combative with me. 207 00:07:53,470 --> 00:07:54,760 Right. 208 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:56,660 So it kept you from getting combative. 209 00:07:56,660 --> 00:07:58,930 It kept me from getting combative, 210 00:07:58,930 --> 00:08:01,330 even though I wanted to be combative. 211 00:08:01,330 --> 00:08:06,160 But then to me, too, I was like, oh, it's really 212 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:09,580 making me think about Ryan. 213 00:08:09,580 --> 00:08:13,570 Because when you're like, so you don't trust him, then. 214 00:08:13,570 --> 00:08:18,250 So he doesn't care about you, he doesn't respect you? 215 00:08:18,250 --> 00:08:20,740 You're afraid that if you're not there for one second. 216 00:08:20,740 --> 00:08:24,160 And then I was like, oh no, that is what I feel like, 217 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:26,480 and that's wrong to feel like that. 218 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:29,350 That's not what like the relationship 219 00:08:29,350 --> 00:08:31,590 should be like, you know, is what I was thinking. 220 00:08:31,590 --> 00:08:32,770 Right, ah interesting. 221 00:08:32,770 --> 00:08:34,900 Yeah, so you were making me feel that way. 222 00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:37,660 You were making me be like, oh, so you don't trust him? 223 00:08:37,661 --> 00:08:39,281 And I'm like, no, I do trust him. 224 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:41,580 So you were just kind of being like, then 225 00:08:41,580 --> 00:08:43,570 why is it so important for you to go? 226 00:08:43,570 --> 00:08:44,690 You know? 227 00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:46,420 And all I was just really trying 228 00:08:46,420 --> 00:08:48,720 to do throughout the duration of it 229 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:53,730 is I think it's a parent's job to teach their kids to think. 230 00:08:53,730 --> 00:08:55,870 And so all I was really trying to do 231 00:08:55,870 --> 00:08:58,710 was to get you to really think hard about all of this. 232 00:08:58,710 --> 00:08:59,210 Right. 233 00:08:59,210 --> 00:09:03,480 And how much it meant, and what your assessment is of him. 234 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:06,480 And I just really wanted you to think hard about it. 235 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:10,440 And before I said anything for sure one way or another, 236 00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:12,870 I just wanted to make sure you were thinking all of it 237 00:09:12,870 --> 00:09:14,670 all the way through. 238 00:09:14,670 --> 00:09:16,170 And I wanted to do it in a way that 239 00:09:16,167 --> 00:09:18,747 didn't make you feel like I was forcing you to think about it. 240 00:09:18,750 --> 00:09:19,710 I wanted to say, now wait a minute, 241 00:09:19,710 --> 00:09:21,070 think about this for two seconds. 242 00:09:21,070 --> 00:09:21,570 Right. 243 00:09:21,570 --> 00:09:23,040 But I wanted to get you to think 244 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:26,070 about it without you feeling like I 245 00:09:26,070 --> 00:09:27,390 was making you think about it. 246 00:09:27,390 --> 00:09:28,320 Right. 247 00:09:28,315 --> 00:09:30,945 So that was really all I was after. 248 00:09:30,940 --> 00:09:32,490 Think all this through. 249 00:09:32,490 --> 00:09:35,040 Only you think it through as opposed to me 250 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:36,600 thinking it through for you. 251 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:37,290 Right. 252 00:09:37,290 --> 00:09:40,350 And it's interesting that you then 253 00:09:40,350 --> 00:09:43,570 started to worry about what you really thought of him. 254 00:09:43,566 --> 00:09:44,906 [LAUGHS] Yeah. 255 00:09:44,910 --> 00:09:49,140 And then I was trying to bring up the thing of, 256 00:09:49,140 --> 00:09:52,620 you didn't let me go before, so you should let me go now. 257 00:09:52,620 --> 00:09:55,530 And then you turned it around to be like, oh, 258 00:09:55,530 --> 00:09:57,840 so his parents weren't there before. 259 00:09:57,840 --> 00:10:02,040 And I was like oh, no! 260 00:10:02,040 --> 00:10:04,650 Why did I mention that? 261 00:10:04,650 --> 00:10:06,920 So I thought it was interesting. 262 00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:09,420 Even though there were times where I was like frustrated, as 263 00:10:09,420 --> 00:10:12,870 a teenager, I was like oh, OK. 264 00:10:12,870 --> 00:10:15,060 Yeah, you're right, you're right. 265 00:10:15,060 --> 00:10:16,360 It shouldn't be that important. 266 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:17,430 It doesn't matter. 267 00:10:17,430 --> 00:10:20,060 All right, very good.